(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another
fellow's gal.
(7) No killin'.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's
stuff.
Y'all git all that?
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What’s on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started....
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, “Unbutton your shirt”. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, that silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me” and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, “You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.”
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, "Do you know her?"
"Yes", I sighed, "She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since."
"My God!" says my wife, "who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started....
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- ---
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.”
The husband replies, your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
And then the fight started.....
------------ --------- --------- ------
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....
------------ --------- --------- --------- -----
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday
and then the fight started.....
------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man “Holy crap. That must be my husband!”
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, “I AM your husband!”
The woman yelled back, “Yeah, then why were you running?”
And then the fight started.....
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind
was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”
My loving wife of 10 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? "
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!" She said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that’s when the fight started....
---------------------------------------------------
My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I’d like to phone a friend."
And that’s when the fight started....
HUMOR FOR SENIORS
Humor Link:;
Humor for Boomers - Click Here
Old Age, I decided, is a gift
I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.
I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon ?
I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ..... I will.
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.
They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.
Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.
So, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it)
MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART! MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER!
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
THE SENILITY PRAYER
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
if you can remember who they are!
Humor Link: "Why we love children
Humor Link: First graders complete nursery rhymes
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- Word documents.
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OUR WEBSITE HISTORY
This web site started as a means for opposing the SA Airport's FAR 150 update proposal that suggested
that heavy air traffic be re-directed 15 degrees to fly "over the Cement Plant".
The only problem with that solution is that WE are on the Other side of that
Cement Plant.
Although the FAA rejected that plan in 2001, in March of 2004 the Northern Hills Homeowner's Association has learned that the
Environmental Impact Study (EIS) proposed the Airport still include the 15 degree turn.
In February of 2005, we were notified that were successful getting the 15 degree turn removed from the EIS.
Sign up for email notice of NHHA meetings
Let us send you an email before our next meeting to remind you to come and participate. It's free. Just enter you email
address below. The message box in the program may not show that
the email is to be sent to the webmaster, but it will be.
WACKYNITIONS (Credits to MuchAdo News)
Abdication: Giving up on stomach exercises.
Adolescence: The period when a teenager feels he will never be as dumb as his parents.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and now is growing in the middle
Advertisement: The most truthful part of a news paper.
Alibophobia: Fear of palindromes.
Americans: People with more timesaving devices yet less time than anybody else in the world.
Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds.
Argument: A discussion that occurs when you're right and the other person hasn't realized it yet.
Aromatic: An automatic crossbow.
Bachelor: A guy who never finds out what faults he has.
Balderdash: a rapidly receding hairline.
Barbeque: A line of people waiting for a haircut.
Blamestorming: Sitting around ina group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Bureaucracy: Capital punishment.
Burglarize: What a crook sees with.
Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people.
Claustrophobia: The fear of Santa Claus.
Coach: One who is always willing to lay down your life for his job.
Cobra: A brassier for conjoined twins.
Coffee: Break fluid.
Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Conscious: that annoying time between naps.
Check back again later for more wackynitions.
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